It’s all in your head

Being able to manage multiple goals during your daily routine is a vital part of a successful life. These goals can be anything from improving your tennis skills, learning a new language or improving your grades. The process of pursing several goals requires effort, a reevaluation of plans, strategies, and goal commitments. Learning to deal with conflict by identifying various means that satisfy multiple goals is very important for your psychological well-being.

Many individuals have several different goals and are unsure on how to attain their goals in an effective manner. For instance, I would like to own a house and be able to travel the world at the same time, but I am unsure how to achieve both goals. This may be due to finances, personal relationships, or emotional turmoil. Pursuing one set of goals hinders my efforts at pursuing my other goals because my behavior is directed at one goal which is incompatible with the other. So how are we going to be able to multi task our goals in an effective and positive manner?

Goal conflict is when you are pursuing one goal that undermines your pursuit of another valued goal. Those who are contemplative and hesitant tend to experience goal conflict. The academic journal Motivation and Emotion described that the participants who experienced goal conflict in their study, reported having greater levels of depression, anxiety and hysteria. In contrast, those who experienced goal facilitation reported having greater levels of positive feelings, life satisfaction and were successful in achieving their goal.

Individuals who are action orientated tend to focus on their current task, protecting their goals from challenging demands, and are proficient at achieving their goals. Those who ruminate on other goals or unpleasant emotional states are less likely in being able to acquire their goals. Under stressful conditions, state oriented people have trouble deciding and acting on ways to achieve their valued outcome, which in return makes it more likely to view their goals as impossible to attain.

If you focus on the variable, it will prevent you from achieving the goal.

It is essential to distinguish between your set goal and your personal variables to gain understanding in achieving goal motivation. For example, do you wish to lose 10 pounds by the end of the month before your trip to Miami? You feel uncomfortable working out, but you really want to look good on the beach? At this point, it is important to keep your goal in mind and find ways to lose the weight to attain your goal. Here you have identified the goal, losing 10 pounds. The personal variable is you don’t like working out. If you focus on the variable, it will prevent you from achieving the goal.

Keep in mind, personal variables may be more important in determining the consequence of conflict on goal attainment then the goal variables. The ability to plan for delay gratification and manage stress levels are obvious. What is not so obvious but just as equally important is the ability to tolerate cognitive complexities.

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Setting up dreams

I have finally put my big girl pants on and am now dedicated to making my dreams come true on my own. At least I am trying.

Applying to jobs in the field of communications have been a bust. After two long years I finally got the hint. If I want in, I have to dig my own tunnel and create my own door.

I have been successful in getting a few works published but the amount printed and the queries rejected cannot be compared.

I am still pitching, that will never stop. Though I got to say, being rejected as much as I have takes a toll on the high spirits. My new approach is to network.

Through Instagram, LinkedIn, trying to figure out Facebook, networking is key.

I have decided to sign myself up with Upwork. I find joy in feeling validated when responding yes, to the question, “are you a writer?”

That is the plan for now. Keep writing, connecting and putting my work out on the web.

You want something done right, you got to do it yourself.

4 ways to get back on your feet

It has been said that if you were ever to find yourself lost at sea with no floatation device, it is best to not flail about. You need to conserve your energy. When your life has a turn of negative events, do not drown in the misery. Conserve that energy to get yourself out of the water. This is something I have realized I need to do.

I have had a few downs as of late. I have been fixated on how terrible I feel, instead of focusing on making it better. This mindset in turn makes me feel worse. Misery loves company they say. This is not how to deal with life and the problems that occur in it.

Don’t get me wrong, it is okay to feel sad or burdened, but you must move on and continue living a beneficial life. Focusing on what went wrong and the how’s and why’s will do nothing but make you feel worse.

Here are a few examples of what I have done and will be doing to get myself out of the water and running back on land.

1. Excerise

We all have heard that physical activity is good for your whole body. It’s true. Whether it’s walking, running, yoga, or even ping pong. Being active gets those endophrones going and makes you feel better.

2. Diet

According to Harvard, what you eat does affect your mood and behavior. Think about it, if you get hungry, and don’t get to eat, you become unpleasant. I know I do.

3. Encouraging yourself

A few years back I went into a deep depression. Despite seeing a therapist and medication, I was still depressed. I had little hope of getting better. I started doing #100happydays. I would take a photo of something, some place or person that made me happy everyday for 100 days. This encouraged me to focus on the positives in my life.

4. Expression

Another outlet was art. I would write in my journal. I would sketch and paint with no purpose. When I was restless I would turn to my pen or canvas. If there is something that you like to do, crafts, art, music, get to it! You don’t need a subject, just do.

These four different but at least in my experience effective ways can help you get out of the negative space that you have created in your mind. Remember happy mind equals happy life.

Know when to walk away

On a recent trip to Las Vegas, I was reminded on how important it is to know when to walk away.

Knowing when to get out while your are ahead is not only important in gambling but life in general. 

A lot of individuals are fixated on how much they have put into the game. Unknowingly making matters worse for themselves because they are focusing on the amount of time, energy, and money spent. For some, walking away can be difficult, even heart wrenching to even consider.

While I was in Las Vegas, not only was I falling victim to this mindset at the tables but also with a friendship. 

I was fixated on getting my investment back. I had put in so much time, effort and money in both circumstances. The thought of walking away was out of the question. I was determined to win my money back, and my friend. In the end I lost both. 

It doesn’t matter if you played your cards right. If you followed the book and did nothing wrong. Sometimes it simply was not meant to be. 

There are going to be events, places and most importantly people who you are going to invest in. Only time will show whether or not you made a wise choice. Once you see the end result, try not to focus on what you lost. Instead look at what you gained by walking away.