There is no security in insecurity

 

Young girls often have insecurities. It is something, young, old, tall, short, thin or fat have in common; how much we don’t like something about ourselves. Unfortunate for me and the vices that have taken my mind captivate; the two has resulted in unchangeable consequences, of which at this point of my life I am willing to accept.

The point of this post is to tell all you girls and guys out there that, even though you feel like you don’t matter, you do! Whenever you think your self-esteem does not deserve recognition, stop. Try to step in front of a mirror and remind yourself that you are deserving of the things you want.

When things are not going your way, job hunting, relationships, work, or family. Try to not allow your emotions to invite your vices to help “correct or ease” the problem. It will only make things worse. We need companions, internally and externally. If your internal companions are the ones encouraging self-loathing and destruction, then close the door on that. Focus on the external factors and things that will help show you how great of a person you could become.

If you stay friends with the little voice in the back of your mind that says,
“screw it, no one likes us, hell you don’t even like you!”
Don’t take that drink, swallow that pill or puff that joint. If you do, you will find that the feeling of your life being ruined or going nowhere will become a reality. From experience, trust me on that.

I was and currently am dealing with the consequences of listening to that voice in my head, telling me I am no good. That I can’t accomplish anything and that I am total fuck up.

I have had a harsh reality punch me in the gut. I do not cry. No, instead I mourn for the slight bit of intelligence I may have had. I harbor resentment to the stupidity that reigns in my mind for the past years. The only thing that I can do at this point is move on. Accept responsibility and try to remember that I may not be worth much right now, but I will be. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

 

 

New year, old problems… 

For the past year I have been applying for jobs in my desired field. Like most 20 something’s, every rejection brings on a sense of injustice.

A combination of rejection in both my personal and professional life has created a negative perspective. This realization or at least omission was brought to my attention this evening.

Earlier this week a Co worker had done something that is a pet peeve of mine. Typically I would brush it off.

Unfortunately I acted on an  extremely immature impulse. I decided to say some not nice things. This is never okay, especially in the work place.

I was called out. Rightfully so. I quickly owned up to my misconduct, and quickly felt a blanket of shame wrapping around me. I wondered why, why did I say such a thing? I knew better and it is not in my character to behave in such a manner.

It is important to leave your baggage at the door. Maturity is not a trait that comes naturally to some. Everyone at some point has acted poorly. It is important to remember to treat others how we wish to be treated no matter the circumstance.

Since this confrontation, I have been forgiven by the person I mistreated. I am reminded that ethics, moral constitutions should always play a part in every atmosphere we find ourselves in.