Un-Lucky

I am apart of a cruel act that has been going on for a week now.

My dog has been suffering. I have been wanting to put him out of his misery. Why havent I? Several not okay reasons. I dont want him to die. That’s my baby.

The main factor is my Thai mother. My mother will not allow him to be put down. She is a devoted Buddhist. She truly believes it is wrong to kill him or any animal.

              *                       *                     * Currently sitting on an airplane waiting to depart from Boise, ID, to Seattle, WA. My eyes are burning and sore. I have a tension headache to my right temporal lobe and my heart has taken leave. In its place a steel toe boot is kicking the shell of what was there. Dramatic, but pretty accurate, figuratively.

When I was a little girl, my daddy promised me two things. One, that we would go to Disney World. Two, when we moved to America, after a year we would get a dog. 

I had to wait till I was eight to go to Disney World. Five years later we moved to America. As promised, a year later I got my puppy.

Lucky and I grew up together. When we first met he was pulling on a dandelion and fell right into my hands and smiled. 

“Found my dog!” I said to my dad. 

I was so eager to be with him that the breeder allowed us to take him home at three weeks old. 

Late nights of him whimpering. Piss stained sheets and chewed up shoes became the norm.

Frustration would occur, but I didn’t care. He was my dog. He followed me everywhere. As Lucky became an adult, I was becoming a teenager. 

The attention ratio was not in Luckys favor. He was always ecstatic to see me. Unforuantly, Lucky became apart of the background. 

Once I was 18, I would move back overseas. Coming in and out of the U.S. for a number of years. 

A dogs love truly is unwavering. Once I moved back home I was still to busy for fetch or belly rubs.  

Every place I lived did not allow dogs. Honestly even if I did find a place, my mother would fight me to the death before letting me take Lucky away from her. Despite his favoritism. 

Now I am an adult and my baby is no longer that. No, he is an old man. Who doesn’t eat. Throws up every ounce of water he swallows. He can’t even get up to go outside. Which means he soils himself and can barely move away from it. 

         *                        *                         *

Before leaving for the airport, I went to see my poor boy who could no longer greet me at the door with his wagging tail. Lucky was laying on the cold tile floor waiting to die. 

That was it. I could no longer be a part of this kind of torture. I bawled. Laying my head on his side. I made the choice to end this. I was sobbing on the phone while making his final appointment. I was still being selfish…I did not have the courage to do it myself. I tried to get my father to do it. 

Sadly, come to find out, Lucky was not taken in. My dog was still being tortured, while I was in Belltown, WA getting drunk. When I get back to Boise, the suffering will end.

In life there will be times where you must choose the lesser of two evils. The pain I feel will surpass. Lucky’s pain will not. 

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Tech-NO

This afternoon while going through my Snapchat, I came across a few snaps I posted that mortified me. It is sad to say but this is not the first time I have made an ass out of myself on social media.

Our generation has become accustomed to airing out our dirty laundry on social media. I have, usually when i am under the influence… But a lot of people do it sober. 

If you are mad at someone you post it. You are dissatisfied with something, you tweet about it and tag the person or place that upset you. It is so frustrating! Technology is one of those things that can improve lives or that can end lives. 

I think we need to step back and think about what it is that we put out on the internet. It seems socially acceptable to post awful moments we are going through. Our president tweets all his frustrations on a weekly basis. Our thoughts, good or bad has become entertainment for everyone else. 

Do you think it’s okay for us to be entertained by another’s actions? Even if that means on a drunken night posting a photo you wish you hadn’t. Or perhaps tweeting about an ex. Making fun of someone else because you don’t like the way you are? 

We need to teach ourselves and future generations how to better cope with the emotions that come with living this life. I’m coming around to the idea that perhaps we need to lay off the social media and technology. 

You are worth the hurt 

This morning I had a realization about human worth. I was in a relationship a year ago. It ended because the man I was with was not willing to move, if I received a job offer. He was afraid of “getting hurt”. Our breakup took a toll on me. I was devastated. 

Almost two years later, this morning laying in bed I realized he did not value me. He broke up with me because he feared I would move away and he refused to make the move. He did care about me, truly, but I was not worth the heartache that would come after my departure. 

That is when I realized this is not someone I should be with. I deserve to be with someone who knows my worth. No, I deserve someone who vaules, appreciates and wants me. No matter the fact that at some point they will get hurt. Its inevitable! The focus should depend on whether the person is worth the hurt. 

Don’t wonder how, wanderlust

How I manage to afford my adventures

Commonly people ask “how is it that I can financially afford to venture to so many countries?” It is all about research and planning. Typically prior to booking a trip, I look at the prevailing currency exchange rates, to see where my dollar can take me the furthest. Where the dollar stands usually will determine the region and duration of my next adventure. Once I have narrowed my options to two or three countries, I look to see if there are any employment opportunities. I would recommend finding a job teaching English, when you are in a country where that is not the first language. It would help to become TEFL or TESOL certified. Teaching English as Foreign Language certification does require a chunk of change but is a good investment to have, if you plan on trekking the globe. Institutions recognize the TEFL/TESOL certification, and the programs aids in finding employment with institutions that accept the certification.

If you would rather not teach English, there are other jobs, primarily manual labor jobs that you can get. Generally these jobs are off the books, (paid in cash) but they can help with your expenses as you travel from country to country. A lot of hostels offer free room and board for volunteering in their establishments, which eliminates a large part of your cost. I also use social sites when I am in need of advice, a guide and places to stay. Couch surfers is a great community website that connects travelers from all over the world. The website connects with hosts who are offering a place to stay, or natives who can offer suggestions or meet up with you when in their home town. I have used it during my travels, and have met welcoming, friendly locals, experiencing a trip off the beaten path.

Overall, no matter where in the world you go, be sure to research and plan ahead for any possible circumstances. Be sure to always look up the nearest embassy/consulate of your nation and keep loads of copies of your passport on you, and with family.

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Residents of Bkk

Bangkok has an estimated population of 8.5 million people. A fraction of these people are living on the streets, becoming apart of the backdrop for the locals, expats, and tourist.It is thought that the homeless that fill the streets and slums of Bangkok were born into their circumstances. May Methinee, a native of Bangkok, said that some of the beggars on the streets were kidnapped as children by “pimps,” at times being burnt enough to cause deformation, and or having their limbs amputated. All done to be given to the beggars who are under the pimp’s control to be used as a prop, to get more money when begging. There is no proof that this theory is true, but the sight of disfigured men, women and children that line the streets, have resulted in agreement of this theory with majority of the locals.

Kelsie Black, an American who had lived in Thailand for a few months recalled feeling sick when she first saw homeless people all over the city. Black felt overwhelmed with emotions and confusion, trying to understand why and how these people ended up on the street.

“Many of our homeless people are people who lost their business and gone crazy,” Methinee said.

A few years back, I was recounting a night out, when I walked past a young girl, no older than 30, asleep on a sky bridge. Under her arm was an infant, smaller than a football, wrapped up in a thin cloth. Though I had been conditioned not to pay attention to the beggars, emotions guided my hand to reach in my clutch and place a 100 Baht in the pocket of the fatigued mother. My colleague had advised that I do not repeat such actions. She believed that if anyone wanted to help, buying food is the best option. That way, despite the possible beating the beggar may receive from their pimps for not getting enough revenue, they at least would not be hungry for that day.

Local, Joy Phusrijan believes that despite the fact that some of the beggars do not get their money, it is not her concern. Instead, she believes that “if you wish to give them money then do it.”

Banga, Bangkok, Thailand

Banga, Bangkok, Thailand

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 Exploring the prom

Driving over the cattle grates, slamming our feet on the floor as a homage to the surfer gods, vibrant colors of fuchsia, lime green, turquoise oceans, and clear skies, overwhelmed my senses. A few minutes later as I turned the corner, I had to pull over. As far as the eye could see, there were tall mountains, wrapped in lush green bushes. Just below were white sand beaches, and the ocean. I was ecstatic, grateful for the strong encouragement to visit this national park.

Wilsons Promontory National Park, known to the locals as the prom, is located in Victoria state. The closest well known city is Melbourne. The park is great for day and overnight trips, though some travelers have said that the park’s camping fees are a bit pricey. If you were to free camp, I would recommend driving out of the park and going to the local gas station or pub and asking the locals where there are free camping locations. Australia has an abundance of free camping, typically along or on the beaches.

Wilsons promontory is a peninsula. If surfing is something you wish to do, I would recommend going out early in the morning to ensure you get the best waves. There are sites to inform surfer’s of the conditions at each beach in the promontory.

While at the park, kayaking down the tidal river is a must. The river is formed from the Bass strait, that cuts in and out of the park, which is a great way to tour the promontory. If you want to see wild kangaroos, emus, wombats, and kookaburras, drive away from the ocean towards the desert and park your car. If you happen to get lost in the “outback” simply immerse yourself into the Savannah, and forget your troubles. You are just on a walk about. That is how the locals define walk about, getting lost in the outback, another authentic Australian tradition you can mark off your list. [Be sure not to get close to any of the native animals, as they are still wild and can severely harm or kill you, if they feel threaten.]

In cases of emergencies or questions while attending the park, there are various locations for information and shops that can accommodate most needs. Australia’s emergency line is 000, if that number does not work you can call 112.

Tidal river______________________________________________________________________________________

Thailand in Al-Khobar

As the bus stops in front of our villa, I look at my mother in anticipation, as she slowly puts on her abaya. An abaya is a black robe, women are encouraged to wear in the Saudi Arabia, whenever they are leaving their house and going into public. The robe goes past the ankles and wrist, with a neckline that sits above the clavicles. As I step off the bus, the comfort of the air conditioning is no longer present, instead I am greeted with a stale heat. I wonder how my mother is able to endure the heat under her robe. Being a child with no signs of puberty just yet, I am safe from having to wear the garment.

We walk past vendors, who are eyeing my mother and I as we enter a small shop,where we were greeted by an older gentlemen, who always seemed happy to see my mother. Later in reflection, I realized why. He was a gem shop owner and my mother loved to buy gems. In fact, most of the merchants in Al-Khobar loved my mom, she, along with my aunts were their best customers. Buying cosmetics, perfumes, gems and most importantly gold. It was not a wonder why they would receive discounts and welcoming embraces.

After a hard day of shopping and bargaining, we would go to Bangkok Thai or Thai house to eat and bring home food for my dad. These two restaurants were operated by Thai men who were living and working in Saudi to send money back home to their families. These restaurants were the only place my mother and her friends could take off their robes, and sit and talk with fellow Thai’s in a nation, where social interaction between men and women was frowned upon.

I did not understand why, until I started going through puberty and realized the garment my mother wore was not to oppress her, but to protect her. The Thai restaurants that I would tire of, were not just restaurants but a little piece of home for my mother and aunts.

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Know when to walk away

On a recent trip to Las Vegas, I was reminded on how important it is to know when to walk away.

Knowing when to get out while your are ahead is not only important in gambling but life in general. 

A lot of individuals are fixated on how much they have put into the game. Unknowingly making matters worse for themselves because they are focusing on the amount of time, energy, and money spent. For some, walking away can be difficult, even heart wrenching to even consider.

While I was in Las Vegas, not only was I falling victim to this mindset at the tables but also with a friendship. 

I was fixated on getting my investment back. I had put in so much time, effort and money in both circumstances. The thought of walking away was out of the question. I was determined to win my money back, and my friend. In the end I lost both. 

It doesn’t matter if you played your cards right. If you followed the book and did nothing wrong. Sometimes it simply was not meant to be. 

There are going to be events, places and most importantly people who you are going to invest in. Only time will show whether or not you made a wise choice. Once you see the end result, try not to focus on what you lost. Instead look at what you gained by walking away. 

New year, old problems… 

For the past year I have been applying for jobs in my desired field. Like most 20 something’s, every rejection brings on a sense of injustice.

A combination of rejection in both my personal and professional life has created a negative perspective. This realization or at least omission was brought to my attention this evening.

Earlier this week a Co worker had done something that is a pet peeve of mine. Typically I would brush it off.

Unfortunately I acted on an  extremely immature impulse. I decided to say some not nice things. This is never okay, especially in the work place.

I was called out. Rightfully so. I quickly owned up to my misconduct, and quickly felt a blanket of shame wrapping around me. I wondered why, why did I say such a thing? I knew better and it is not in my character to behave in such a manner.

It is important to leave your baggage at the door. Maturity is not a trait that comes naturally to some. Everyone at some point has acted poorly. It is important to remember to treat others how we wish to be treated no matter the circumstance.

Since this confrontation, I have been forgiven by the person I mistreated. I am reminded that ethics, moral constitutions should always play a part in every atmosphere we find ourselves in.